The Dominate/Submissive Balance

7:42 AM philosophy 0 Comments

BDSM an often extremely misunderstood practice. Beyond the title Bondage, Dominance, Sadism, Masochism—modern BDSM is a wide and varied field of interest. It spans the gamut from traditional S&M to the more brightly toned practices such as DDLG and Kitten Play. And while the B and M aspect is as varied as the participants, the one element common across the entire spectrum is the Dominant/submissive relationship.

This is my perspective on why I feel this D/s relationship is actually healthier and more equitable most traditional relationships.

To begin to understand the nature of the Dominant/submissive relationship first you must understand the nature of the submissive. A good submissive is not someone weak that can be dominated, rather someone strong that wants to be dominated. BDSM is a completely consensual relationship. The submissive chooses to submit, giving the Dominant power over them, because they respect the Dominate and can trust them with that power.

Next we need to look a little deeper at the role of the Dominate. A good Dominate ensures that his or her sub is not just obedient, but that they are the best submissive they can possibly be. It is the responsibility of the Dominant to ensure that the submissive is taken care of mentally and physically. Depending on the nature of the relationship this can include almost anything. From making sure they eat right and exercise, to making them pursue their goals, or correcting bad behavior or poor self-esteem.

By definition the Dom/sub relationship gives all the power to one person. But in practice a good BDSM relationship is actually an equal balance of power. This is for three reasons. First because respect and trust is the entire foundation of a good Dominant/submissive relationship. Second because both people must prove—through their actions—their worthiness, loyalty, and dedication to the relationship on an ongoing basis. This interplay is the source of equality in the relationship and is why the bond between Dom and sub is so strong. It's how any good relationship should work but very few do. You find this balance more consistently in BDSM because of out third reason.

Each person's role is clearly defined and control is expressly given.

BDSM eliminates the uncertainty and power struggles that undermine traditional couplings. It isn't a superficial relationship. It can't be sustained on empty gestures or cultural obligation or tradition. Both the Dominant and submissive must build, and continually maintain, the foundation of trust, and prove their dedication to the relationship through their actions. This is why the D/s relationship a perfect balance of power and in my opinion, when done correctly, a healthier relationship.